Prayer for a miracle...or grace to bear it.

There was a Sunday afternoon in January of 2004 that I'll never forget. 

We went to church as normal and afterwards, we began to relax. I turned on some ice-skating and snuggled in for the afternoon, knowing that Andy was excited to go shoot some hoops for the afternoon. 

My dad came to the door after Andy had been gone about an hour, playing basketball or so I thought. He actually hadn't played more than 3 minutes before it happened.

Dad spoke quietly and kept a smile on his face, which I've learned is an attempt to keep me calm. He told me that I needed to come to the hospital because there had been an accident. "Don't worry Nell, he's fine, he'll be on crutches for a few weeks and be good as new." I desperately wish that had been true. 

When I got to the ER, Andy was in the back room. As I made my way back there I could hear his screams from down the hall, nothing was "fine", nothing was easy. Something was actually very wrong. 

To dislocate a talus bone is considered "impossible". It's rarity makes it almost unknown to most orthopedic doctors. Andy's screams were coming as 2 doctors were trying to "reset" his ankle. Which was extremely poor judgment, but they didn't seem to know better. Andy has actually bent the bone as it was dislocated and trying to "reset" it with him awake was next to torturous. His foot was pointing down.

I went limp as I got close to his room, I'd never heard him scream before. My dad held me while I cried. I've never been so scared. 

Surgery later that day. 

They reset the bone, not without chipping it. Those bone chips wouldn't be discovered for 6 months, not till they had fused to muscle and become bone spurs. 

Cast, crutches, walking boot, physical therapy, healing process. We still held out a lot of hope from this crazy random injury, that there would be a day we could claim a complete recovery.

That was 5 years ago. 

Where are we today....

Andy has severe arthritis in his ankle. Cold weather contributes heavily. 
Bone spurs brought on by the semi-floating bone chips which are still present in his ankle.
Daily pain and stiffness. 
Lately, I say lately, the last year, it's been giving out on him. He loses his balance, stumbles, trips what have you.....Basically it locks and will not bear weight. 
His bones have bent, which will make surgery difficult but not impossible.

-----Are you beginning to understand why Andy has a desire to enter and practice in the world of physical therapy?-----

Many people live in cronic pain, I understand that we're not alone in this, but to be only 26 years old and see so much decline in 5 years is hard to swallow. 

We've researched all our options, everything from natural remedies to ankle replacement surgery to ankle fusion surgery and we feel like we know what needs to happen. 

There is a specialist in Boise that performs the ankle fusion surgery. Andy would never run again, but we feel at this point that we'd rather he be able to just walk, pain free. The surgery is $6,000 and only so inexpensive because the specialist knows our situation and has cut out every cost he can. (We have no insurance currently)

Besides the risks of the surgery, there is another factor that weighs on us heavily, there is a 3 month mandatory recovery period where Andy will be allowed to bear NO weight. That's 3 months that he won't be able to work. 

What do I see? I see a husband and father who is working full time, doing his best to stay strong while he's at work, with a full school load, trying to enter the medical field to do something he believes will help people who are in similar positions to him, and he does it all with daily, constant pain. He smiles and politely answers people for the 3,645th time why he's limping or using a cane that day....And bears it all till we're home in the privacy of our house to collapse. He protects even our young daughters, so they won't worry. 

Last night, his ankle gave out at least 10 times, after the 3rd time, he was grimacing in pain in the kitchen when he saw Livy and Emma watching him. He immediately starting a "hopping game" with them on his right leg and they took turns hopping like bunnies. I wanted to cry my heart out. 

I am praying for a miracle, for the finances to pay for this important surgery, or for the grace for us to bear this.....I am praying for the Lord's will to be accomplished.