Write it out

When I'm going through something, whether it be emotional, mental, relational. I write. I used to keep journals as a young girl. Now I shutter at most of them when I go back and reread, but none the less, here I am again. Writing.

I guess I feel safe on my blog. Even though it's a public journal, with more readers than I ever intended. That's humbling to me...most of the time it's just the dailies of my little family, but for those who faithfully follow it, you guys sure bless me.

My husband is sitting at a Relax Hotel tonight. Yes, the name sounds just as high-class as the oh...I'm guessing $30 bucks he spent to stay there. He never spends money when he's away from us. Back to the story.

He's sitting in Grand Island, NE. Why? Because he's spent, we've spent, the last 2 years working toward something. A new start, a hard, but beautiful thing. It hasn't come easy, it hasn't come cheap but every moment has been worth it, and I'd never go back. He's driving back now with his pickup and all that we own crammed into an 18 ft utility trailer. He's coming now because he has till Monday morning to report for clinicals with the largest hospital around.

His day has been awful, yet beautiful. Something not everyone will understand.

No one in their right mind would choose to do what Andy is doing. It'd be classified as insanity, hard-headedness, or stupidity. He's moving cross country in February, coming from one of the coldest, iciest states in America and pulling a trailer no less. But we're doing it....why?

Because we believe the Lord called us to, opened doors to. Because our decisions start with prayer, with asking the Lord for guidance, for assurance, for leading. When we feel He's answered, we move forward, by faith.

Here would be where someone might enter an argument like this "Well, if God asked you to jump off a bridge, would you?" or some equally stupid comment.

Don't you think when Jesus asked Peter to step out on the water it would have been classified as insanity to those around? What about when God asked millions of Israelites to walk through the Red Sea while he held the waters back...Stupidity. I'm pretty sure the Apostle Paul would have a thing or two to say about Christians who assumed that God is the God of "the safest way possible".

Anyone who knows us knows that we do not throw ourselves in harm's way to prove God's ability. Nor do we shy away when he says "TRUST ME".

Today, my husband could have died. Everything we owned could have ripped through that trailer siding as it crashed on the highway. Andy could have stayed on course instead of mistakingly taken a wrong turn that allowed him to "wreck" near a town where friends were that got him right in to a great mechanic....Here's icing on the cake, 2 days before, Andy's job gave him a substantial amount of money on his last day of work, it was almost the exact amount that was needed for the towing expenses today.

THAT'S GOD my friends. That is my God at work.

I guess I'm grateful that not all our decisions are completely understood. If they all made sense, seemed "wisdom-filled" and understandable by the world's standards, then it would probably be a good indication that we're taking the path laid down by the world, not necessarily what God was asking of us. The Creator of the universe delights in revealing himself in the impossible, the hard, and he often uses the foolish instead of the 'wise'.

I am not sitting here smug. I am completely and painfully aware that today could have been a very different story, and that tomorrow is my next big test of faith as my husband crosses the mountains. But no matter the outcome, my faith is the same.

My updates on Andy's condition today were not cries for pity, but of wanting to allow those who love us in spite of us, to be aware, to be praying and to know that God was allowing a trial.

God gave direction, we'll follow, He'll cover the rest. Period.

P.s. I can't respond to everyone who msg'd me, or texted, or called with affirmations of support and love today...it was overwhelming, especially in the evening. But I didn't miss one of them and they all touched me deeply.