My heart is overwhelmed.
We have anywhere from 4-6 weeks till ______ is born.
As I'm trying to make baby piles around the house....
washing the newborn clothes
setting out burp rags, diapers and wipes upstairs and down
putting sheets on his little bed...
At the same time, I have to think of packing everything on the heels of his birth. That really goes against almost every nesting instinct out there.
I'm trying to think of 'What will he need from December-February in Oregon.
What do I leave out for the girls, what clothes and toys do I pack now'.
My living room has Christmas piles that need to be packed in the van, piles set out for the trailer, text books and donate boxes.
My days lately are full of choices. Do I get a full school day in with the girls and ignore the kitchen counters? Do I spend an hour making dinner and then take to the couch afterwards to stop my screaming back instead of cleaning up from cooking....
It discourages me when I can't clean my whole house....When I realize I haven't cleaned the toilet in a good 2 weeks....When I simply have to concede in tears that my back tonight is due to 10 trips up and down from the basement for laundry, and just as many again upstairs to put it all away.
I've knowingly lost my partner for this next season. His time is equally divided between classes and work and his short moments at home are only enough for sleep and study. But I miss him already...We're a different kind of team right now. Each trying to hold up our very different jobs, on opposite schedules. But I can't help feeling like mine is falling apart. Quite a time to be away from family.
I need strength, I need wisdom to make good decisions and let the rest go. I need to remind myself that the rest of this season is SHORT. Our son will be here soon, and so far the Lord has met every single need. I have been given NO reason to doubt that will continue.
Still, I would love a little angel to appear and snap my kitchen into order. Or even just the dishes. :)
2 comments:
Nellie, sweet heart, it's time to lower your expectations for yourself. Being a mommy of 3 will make your life change. Life will not end if you don't clean the toilet, wash the dishes and wash the sheets immediately. Guess what...they will wait. Your 3 beautiful children, however, will not. Enjoy them while you can. Time goes much too quickly. I know that this is a tough season, to have Andy so occupied. (Believe me when I say...I know. James worked full time, that included traveling every week for 9 months straight, and was in the process of completing his Masters...when Matt was born, Joel was 2, Aaron was 6 and Becky was 10). This is your new normal for the time being. Embrace it! And remember...that which does not kill you, will make you stronger!
Oh sweet friend! I wish I could come clean and make dinner!!
I'm going to have to agree with my momma, she is one smart cookie ;) I don't remember clean sheets or clean bathrooms when I was little, I remember tea parties, dress up family dinners.. those are the things your babies will remember, not those counters :)
send hugs and a bit of encouragement your way :) love you
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